For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
