ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
