dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
