My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
