I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
