the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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