Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
