PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
