You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
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This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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