That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
