We won't sleep together?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
