I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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