Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
