I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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