I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Farmville is her only friend.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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