ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
