Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
