You just made me feel so damn special
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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