The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
