He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
