a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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