How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
