hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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