Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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