I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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