My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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