you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
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i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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