Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
