guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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