mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
