I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
