he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
