we're chasing vodka with high fives
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
