i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.