I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.