The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
