I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
