Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
