Plan B is the new Plan A
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
