I'm lost and stupid without you.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
