I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
