I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
