I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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