I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
