3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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