I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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