We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
