at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
