Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize