i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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