Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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