Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just cropdusted the office
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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