It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
