He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
