Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
