listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All the doctor said was why
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
