When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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