my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
A bitchslap is in order.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
