If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
