sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
