apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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