I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
