I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
