How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
