the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
