wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
