well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
