you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
