I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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