guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
