If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
