3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
