He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We need a shit load of segways right now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
