mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
