I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
