Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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