we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
