It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
