Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
