His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
time to smoke my breakfast
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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