I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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