at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
